Becky goes emo

I promised myself I'd blog today.

Work
I could talk about life, stresses, working all hours in a new job and being unsure if I can handle it all. The irony of people complimenting me when I'm treading water.
How scared I feel that they'll discover that I'm just surviving. How any good thing that happens is from a team effort that expands beyond our department.

Life
I could talk about how ridiculously awesome my guy's been. When he's not acting like a 12 yrs old.
He doesn't ask about my day until I'm ready. He let's me blur out to his TV while he messes with my hair. He doesn't complain that I only see him an hour every day.
In a suspicious way, I think he relishes not being obligated to be social. He says he'll miss his freedom when I'm able to work normal hours. Boys. Bleh.

Knowledge
One of my favorite teachers retired the other day. I grieved. Not just because the next generation won't be pushed to use that muscle behind the eyebrows, but for his life of scholarship.
Of course he doesn't think he's learned enough or studied enough...but he has done more research than anyone I know.
He searches for answers. He fuels inquiries. I lust after that power and ability.
This is probably the No. 1 thing that will bring balance to my work and personal life: the lust for knowledge and coming to grips with life's most tormented questions.
I know I am different in this. New ideas are a drug. Knowing for oneself, an addiction. Discoveries of truth are the only glimmers of peace.
And I can only make time for this most intoxicating pleasure if i get off work while the sun is up.
Bleh.